counter

Friday 30 December 2011

May the gods divert the omens.

I am hyper-aware of tiny differences in my body - little ticks, perceived numbness and weakness, lurid dreams, etc. I treat each one as an omen of things to come. I am fully cognizant that PD is degenerative and will continue to attack me; I just don't want it to happen too quickly; hence, I am extremely sensitive of any sign that the PD is progressing at an alarming rate.

Christmas eve and the day after Christmas, I felt changes in my left hand and leg. OMENS! I thought these were indications that I was advancing into stage 2, where both sides of the body are affected; however, I have not had a repeat of either symptom since. Touch wood they stay away until sometime in the distant future. It will happen but I can't let myself dwell on the inevitability.

For my own well-being, I have got to learn to ignore the omens and just take the changes as they come. In the meantime, other than going to bed at an ungodly early hour, my life continues along a "normal path" along with omens lurking in the shadows.

But, as Oscar Wilde once said (good crossword clue) “There is no such thing as an omen. Destiny does not send us heralds. She is too wise or too cruel for that.”

I will have to have that engraved on my forehead so I don't forget.

Happy new year.

Tuesday 27 December 2011

Life is just a bowl of pits

Well, I think it is official. My left side is being attacked. Last evening, I was lying down with my knees up and my feet on the bed when my left leg started to vibrate. It only lasted a few seconds because I extended my leg and tensed the muscles. It didn't happen again and nothing hindered my 2 mile walk this morning, so maybe it was an aberration or, maybe it was the beginning of stage 2 PD. I vote for the former. Other than that, I feel good, but as frustrated as an arsonist in a petrified forest.

Sunday 25 December 2011

December 24th - a day that will live in infamy.

I was lying down and relaxing on Christmas eve when the middle finger on my left hand began to jump on its own accord. Later, my pointer finger on that hand also did a short jig. These involuntary actions are probably an indication I am moving into stage 2 and will soon have two bouncing hands to corral and keep calm. I actually thought it would take longer to reach stage 2. My luck seems to be running out but fortunately, today is Christmas, which is not an event, but a feeling, a state of mind that binds the years together. On this day I will remain optimistic and I shall not dwell on a possible promotion to stage 2. If it comes, it comes. What are you going to do!

Don't you hate it when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night?
(Steven Wright)

Merry Christmas.

Saturday 24 December 2011

Obsession is a negative passion.

As I have mentioned before, dopamine agonists, such as the mirapex I take, can cause obsessive compulsive disorder. Some obsessions are relatively harmless, while others are dangerously destructive.

Some of the different types of obsessions are:

Gambling
Shopping
Hypersexuality
Extramarital affairs
Suspicions of partner’s infidelity
Cross dressing
Pornography
Fetishism
sexual arousal to objects
Obsessive masturbation
Cyber sexual activities
Exhibitionism
Visual and/or aural hallucinations
Obsessive risk-taking
Punding - ie obsession with mechanical behaviour
Delusions (grandeur, paranoia)
Violent behaviour
Eating
Mental agility games (crosswords, backgammon, numerics)
Cyber shopping & auctions

One in four PD patients prescribed dopamine agonists suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder to some degree. This increases to 1 in 3 for young onset patients, and to 1 in 2 for those on or near the maximum doses of the medication. (The Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Massachusetts, February, 2011)

There are other behaviours that have not been listed. As for me, I am addicted to mental agility games, but then I was before. My eating compulsion has ended and while I like online shopping and auctions, my spending has not increased since taking the DA's. I guess I am one of the lucky ones.

Tuesday 20 December 2011

Listen to many, speak to a few.

Well, it's official. I am losing my voice.

Yesterday, I went to a speech therapist who specializes in problems associated with PD. She put a device in front of me that measures decibels. She then had me do several tests. For example, I had to describe to her one of the times in my life when I was really happy. This is not as easy as it sounds because I haven't had too many sad times. Mostly, I have always been happy. Anyway, I rambled on about the births of my children - the great improv artist. God, I even bored myself!

Testing lasted about 30 minutes and then came the conclusion, "Your voice is below the normal speaking range. It is quite low. Do others have problems hearing you?"

"My wife does," I said, "But then, she is losing her hearing. (nervous chuckle with a respondent smile). I would say yes, people are having a hard time hearing me."

"We have a program here at the movement disorder clinic that will help you with that problem. And she rose and gave me a folder outlining the program. The Lea Silverman Voice Treatment, an intensive program of voice exercises that targets vocal intensity, quality and variation -- precisely the areas of difficulty for persons with PD. That will begin in April, twice a week for 8 weeks. I decided to go for it for the sake of anyone listening to me, if or when I might have something to say.

If the LSVT doesn't work, I can live with a voice that has a touch of the Barney Fife quality to it.

Monday 19 December 2011

Every head has its own headache

I have been told I am stage one of PD, but I keep getting symptoms that most PWP would assign to later stages. Fortunately, they come and then they disappear. For example, when I had trouble swallowing which occurred over a year or two ago, it lasted about 3 weeks, and has never returned. It makes me wonder if I am at a later stage as trouble swallowing is not usually associated with early stage one.

Although I was only diagnosed earlier this year, I had had some strange problems off and on over the previous two decades. One in particular was a 6 month headpain. I am not talking about a headache. This was terrible pain in my head just behind my eyes. I used to fall asleep with my head on a bag of frozen peas in order to get relief. My GP sent me to a neurologist who gave me an EEG and told me, "there is an abnormality in the results but don't worry, about 10% of the people who take this test will present with the same abnormality and be in good health." Of course, he thought he was setting my mind at ease, but all I could think of was "90% have a problem." More tests were performed - but revealed nothing wrong. I tried all forms of treatment, including having a practitioner of Chinese medicine stick needles in my head and taking massive doses of vitamin B. Both were quite an experience, but did nada to help me. Nothing worked. The headpain finally went away on its own. It stayed away for about two years, when it returned to torment me for about 3 weeks. That was in the early 90's and it has not made a comeback since (writer touches wood).

Now I wonder if that headpain was due to PD? How long has this condition been attacking my brain! It is not far out to think I have maybe had PD for 20 years or so.

Meanwhile, if I get a headache, I will just follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle - "take 2 aspirin" and "keep away from children."

Thursday 15 December 2011

Do the Hokey Pokey

I discovered a new symptom on my walk today - my right arm had become lazy and didn't seem to want to swing to the extent my left arm did. The result of my right arm lacking the energy to move was, it tended to do a dead hang by the side of my body. Hanging by my side in turn caused my hand to jump around. I found that if I made my arm swing in a greater arc, the hand tremor all but disappeared.

This is the first I have noticed the dead arm. I realize that lack of arm swing is a popular symptom of PD, but my arms have always acted in the manner they are supposed to act. I am hoping this was an aberration, brought on by my heavy parka and the fact that I carry my ipod, to keep it from freezing, inside my right mitten, next to my hand.

All the while, I couldn't get this ditty out of my head..._"You put your right hand in. You put your left hand in and you turn it all about. Do the hokey pokey ....that's what it's all about" (something like that)

How appropriate, I think, to compare PD with the hokey pokey!

Monday 12 December 2011

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home and have a heart attack.

Ever watched "Pulp Fiction"? Of course you have. I have watched it 4 times. Tarantino is not much of an actor but as a writer and director, he is right at the top. You would think that after watching the movie so many times, I would be immune to its action but, when I watched it yesterday, my right hand started up. The tremor was so bad, I had to grip the remote tightly and even then I tremored internally. It was worth it though, because the writing and acting are incredible (except for Tarantino's short cameo). So, I guess stressful football games and action movies should be avoided to avoid tremors. Right! Not much chance of that.

On the upside, I experienced no tremors during a one hour workout this morning. Maybe because I added Mucuna pruriens to the drug cocktail, just to see what would happen. Not much so far. I think I will stick to the prescription drugs alone. I will check with the doctor next time. But as Jules said in PF, "If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions".

I think that is the key to living with PD. Don't ask scary questions. What will be will be and there is nothing you can do about it.

Friday 9 December 2011

"On the other hand, you have different fingers" (Stephen Wright)

It was -23C when I went for my walk this morning (4:30AM). On the one hand, the cold, crisp air was invigorating; on the other hand ..... Wait, I couldn't put anything on the other hand. It had a mind of its own and was jumping around like a bat out of hell. This has happened on a previous cold day too. Coincidence? Not likely. Apparently, temperature extremes can affect PD.

Here, on the Canadian prairies, I can test that theory with the cold; but, I anxiously await our annual trip to Miami Beach so I can test it with the heat. In the meantime, from the Bard of the Yukon.....



Some planks I tore from the cabin floor
And lit the boiler fire.
Some coal I found that was lying around
And heaped the fuel higher.
The furnace roared and the flames they soared,
Such a blaze you seldom see.
Then I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal
And I stuffed in Sam McGee.
...
And there sat Sam, looking cold and calm
In the heart of the furnace roar.
He wore a smile you could see a mile,
And he said "Please shut that door!
It's warm in here, but I greatly fear
You'll let in the cold and storm.
Since I left Plumtree, down in Tenessee,
It's the first time I've been warm.

from "The Cremation of Sam McGee" by Robert Service

Tuesday 6 December 2011

I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination

Mirapex can cause hallucinations. I have had none until, I think, yesterday. I was lying on a sofa, talking to my mother, when I saw a man seated beside me, arise from his seat and walk in front of me. I gave my head a shake, and he was gone. Trouble is, I am not sure if it was an hallucination or a dream because I might have dozed off for a few seconds. I was extremely tired and my mother, bless her heart, is not the most fascinating person to talk to, just like me. Hopefully, it was a dream and the sleepiness was not caused by the mirapex. I will have to watch out for that.

It may be getting impossible to tell the difference between revelations and hallucinations.

I will keep you posted.

Friday 2 December 2011

The Tremor Conspiracy

My resting tremor has conspired with a new, as yet unnamed, tremor. These conspiratorial forces appear to have focused their energies on a limited, well-defined objective. Get the PD victim!

I can accept that my resting tremor is making a comeback. When my right arm hangs by my side, or my forearm is on my lap, my tremor awakens. For the time being, I can usually control it and make it stop but it is becoming more vicious in its desire to dominate me. What I can't accept (yet) is that I also seem to have a movement tremor. At dinner today, I raised a glass of water to take a drink and my hand shook so much, I just about missed my mouth. Perhaps it was just that one time. I will be optimistic and cling to that theory. In the meantime......... I will endure; oh, and up my medicine dosage.

As for my eye, I don't have the flashes of light anymore but the floater remains, like a spider's web in front of my eye. I forget sometimes and try to brush it away with my hand. I am told the floaters should disappear after awhile.

Onward and Upword.

Thursday 1 December 2011

"Ever since surgery began, man's destiny has been to suffer, in order that he might be cured"

Got my eye lasered. The worst part about it was the wait to get into the laser room. I was scheduled for 10:30 but didn't get the laser treatment until after 1:00pm. I was due for my PD medicine at 10:00 but forgot to take it. I saw myself trying to control tremors and getting my nose lasered as I trembled while the doctor was doing his thing. Fortunately, my wife volunteered to go home and get the meds, so all was well.

The "surgery" lasted maybe five minutes and consisted of the doctor prodding my eye with a stainless steel tool of some sort, shining a bright, magnified light into my eye and occasionally sparking it with a green laser. He tells me it was a success. I will have to take his word for it because, right now, looking through that eye is like looking through cheese cloth. I am still seeing floaters, but they don't bother me.

Meanwhile, here is another use for the laser....."I am Armenian, so of course I am obsessed with laser hair removal! Arms, bikini, legs, underarms... my entire body is hairless." (Kim Kardashian)

I think she has had one too many treatments!